why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
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