walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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