Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
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