One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
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Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
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Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
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