I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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