Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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