i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Randomize
