Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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