That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
