I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
