Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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