you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize
