idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I think my moral compass just broke
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
