were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
