it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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