She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Randomize
