well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
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I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
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Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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