He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
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