She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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