I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
i need some magic done to my vagina
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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