I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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