I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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