you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Randomize
