She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Thank you for not boning my boss.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
