its not stalking. its research.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Randomize
