is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
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me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
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You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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