im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
You've changed since you got that strap on
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
