I have demons in me.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
