my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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