hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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