Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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