I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
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