Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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