She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I need a burrito and a hug.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
