how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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