Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
