Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Randomize
