You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
