I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Randomize
