I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
