I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Randomize
