Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Randomize
