using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize