He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
