i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
