just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
