Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
