my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
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If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
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Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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