hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
