Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Randomize
