dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
