I feel like abortions should bother me more
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Someone came in the potted fern
21 Times Karma Showed These People Not to Mess Around
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?