he wants to bone in the snuggie
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
19 Parents Admit the Lies They’ve Told Their Children
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
21 Worst Confessions on a First Date
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!