guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night