my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.