Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
