Are we in a gay sports bar?
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Randomize
