i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
